Signs Of Aging: Short Hair And Ugly Cars

Since I was a kid I’ve always had this impression that the older a woman gets, the shorter her hair gets. Because of this perceived tendency, I’ve been freakishly attached to my long hair.  Well, I’m attached because of the fear of aging, but I’m also a lazy bastard and hate spending money to get my hair cut so I’m liable to go 6-8 months without ever stepping foot into a salon.  My good friend slash hair stylist has always given me shit about my laziness and how it effects my looks.  I’m all about pony-tails and just enough make-up to prevent the assholes I work with from saying “you look like you just woke up” all day long.  “You know, your hair would look really cute if you’d use some product in it every now and then!  And stop wearing the pony-tail so much, you are ruining your hair!” She’s lectured about this for the past 20 years.

When I went to get my hair cut a few months ago, it had been 8 months since the hair cut before that.  Seriously, I’m not exaggerating.  My hair was to the lower middle of my back.  I was in a pissy mood (I’m reminded of a comedy show where the accused stood before the judge saying “ohhhhh it was a crazy day and I was flowing pretty heavy, and he was an asshole anyway, so I shot him 10, 12, 15 times”) and my hair looked a hot mess so when the stylist asked me if I’d ever considered going short, I gave her cart blanche to do whatever she wanted so long as she didn’t talk to me for the rest of the appointment.  She cut it shoulder length, a look I was completely indifferent about but others seemed to enjoy.  I’m pretty sure they loved the significant improvement moreso than the actual style.

Mid blog rant about stylists – why do they feel the need to engage me in conversation during the hair cut?  I’m an introvert and I hate that.  If they’d ignore me the entire appointment they’d get a significantly larger tip from me.  And do you ever feel like your stylist is justplaying with your hair like they do with those creepy doll heads instead of seriously working on the task at hand?  I swear they can turn what ought to be a quick blow-dry into an elaborate production of brush and dryer that goes on so long I’m always tempted to start screaming “STOP FUCKIN AROUND – I’VE GOT SHIT TO DO!  THE HAIR WAS DRY 10 MINUTES AGO! WRAP IT UP!”  And, newsflash, everybody does not enjoy real hard head massages during the shampoo!  It feels like physical abuse to me and makes me never want to put my head in your bowl again.

On Monday I turned 41.  I am still in complete shock and denial about the whole damned thing.  As a birthday gift, my guy paid for a fancy hair doo which has rendered me, you guessed it, with real short hair.  It’s gotten rave reviews at work but now, in addition to being in shock about being old, I’m in shock that my hair is not even close to touching my neck in the back.  WTF?

So, now that I’ve gone shorter and people have noticed, that means I’m more pressured than ever to keep up with my hair.  Short hair cuts suck on so many levels but the main thing is that the up-keep means way more frequent hair cuts than I want, or can afford.  When your hair is long and scraggly, another couple of inches doesn’t make it look any worse.

And once I trade my car for a Prius, I’ll be fully set with the requisite age related transition activities of whacking off my hair and getting an ugly car.  It can only get worse from here.

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